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There’s a million things to talk about after yesterday’s debacle in Denver. I can honestly say that the best part about yesterday was that it didn’t suck NEARLY as bad as I imagined it would suck. That’s because for once we completely got our asses handed to us. As a Pats fan I’ve only experienced that feeling once in 2009 against the Baltimore Ravens. The 2009 Pats were garbage though. Worst team in the Belichick era by far. They weren’t expected to do anything. Here’s how I’ve felt about every other losing season since the dynasty was put on hold in ought four:
2005: Losing at Denver sucked that year. That was more of a shock because I didn’t know that it was possible for Tom Brady to lose in the playoffs.
2006: Losing to Peyton Manning for the first time in the playoffs was another thing that I thought was impossible. Blowing a 21-6 halftime lead was simply unfathomable.
2007: 18-1. Nothing else to say really. I will never, ever, ever, get over this. I would trade the last two Red Sox World Series Championships for this one to have ended differently.
2008: Matt Cassell. The year of lowered expectations that turned out surprisingly well.
2009: Ray Rice first play from scrimmage quickly reminded me that this was not the year.
2010: This wasn’t as bad as ought seven, but it was close. We had just beaten the Jets 45-3. Forty five to freaking THREE!!! I had no idea it was even remotely possible for Rex Ryan and the Jets to beat us in the playoffs. I thought Rex Ryan was there for comedic relief and nothing more. Still can’t believe they lost this game.
2011: How did Wes Welker drop that ball in the Super Bowl? This one hurt so much again because it was right there. We had it. The game winning drive by Eli was just so predictable at that point. We knew they would lose and there was nothing that could be done about it. Hurt so much.
2012: Similar to 2010. Giant favorites against a team we’ve already beaten. Bunch of jagoff loudmouths and thugs who run their mouths. The Ravens had done us the favor of sparing us Peyton Manning and the Broncos. Then it all just came crashing down in predictable style.
All of those playoff losses were worse than yesterday. I even watched the Seattle-San Francisco game, which I didn’t think would be possible if Brady lost to Manning. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of stuff I’m still livid about, but ultimately this team wasn’t supposed to win it all. Even if they had won, there’s no way our collection of rag tags were beating whatever shut down defense came out of the NFC. Here’s the hottest takes from yesterday’s debacle:
- Those teams were slaughter. If John Fox and Bill Belichick got to go back and forth picking players it would go like this: 1) Peyton Manning/Tom Brady, 2) Peyton Manning/Tom Brady, 3) Demaryius Thomas, 4) Julius Thomas, 5) Eric Decker, 6) Wes Welker, 7) Julian Edelman. So yea, if this were the playground we’d be bullshit and take our ball and go home. But it’s the professional league, and Belichick and Bob Kraft did this to themselves because they’re a bunch of egotistical chiselers who care more about caressing their egos and saving a few bucks so they can take their trophy wives on another trip to Hawaii.
- God definitely helped out the Broncos with the weather. God knows Manning is the definition of shrinkage in cold weather. So he granted him a 65 degree January day to play the AFC Championship in. Didn’t hurt Matt Prater’s kicking either in the high altitude.
- Pushgate and the Gronk molesting in Carolina cost us a trip to the Super Bowl. This game should’ve been in Foxboro. The end result would likely be much different. If the Patriots had rightly been 14-2, or even 13-3 we’d be going to Jersey. Instead the referees stole both of those games from us and we had to play on the road.
- The next person who refers to Bob Kraft as “Mr. Kraft” is getting an atomic wedgie. Seriously, the guy is treated by the media like he’s some kind of feudal lord or plantation owner. “Yas suh Mr. Kraft, this sure is a fine team you’ve assembled for us to pay $100 to watch from the nosebleeds Mr. Kraft. And I really appreciate you charging $40 for parking and $8 for beer Mr. Kraft. And those NFL jerseys that you sell for $80 and I can easily buy from China for $20? Love those. And with all that money you made off of me I really want to say thank you for letting the best receiver in Patriots history go to the most dangerous quarterback in the league because you wanted to let his agents know that you had the biggest schmenzer in the room. We’re really impressed by how you showed them who’s boss Mr. Kraft.” When are people gonna open their eyes and realize that all this guy has done is build a stadium that is designed to make money instead of noise, and ride the coattails of a genius coach and the greatest quarterback in NFL history? The best part about Belichick and Brady retiring will be that he is exposed as the fraud that he is.
- Belichick was John Fox’s cabana boy the entire game. He let Belichick get the ball in the first half knowing that he would take a lead to the second, and then burned eight freaking minutes to start the second half on a touchdown drive. At no point in that game was there ever a possibility that the Patriots defense could stop Peyton Manning from enforcing his dirty will on them.
- The play calling yesterday was an absolute disgrace. I’ve seen better play calling from Doherty High School. It’s bad when a group of boobs from Worcester can literally call out the next play the Patriots would try every single down. Second and four after a pass play? Hmmm. I’m guessing run the ball straight up the middle for no gain, followed by third down incompletion to some idiot who should be setting pins in a bowling alley. If I could figure out that the Patriots would go pass-run-pass every time, how easy could Fox figure it out?
- Danny Amendola continues to be dead to me. I falsely called Amendola finally having a breakout game yesterday. Boy was I wrong. He is beyond suck. And to think the Kraft media sheep tried to sell us him as Welker’s replacement. How stupid is anyone that actually believed that for a second. If he’s not grabbing his groin on the sideline he’s dropping the only target he had all game. Still was a huge coaching mistake on Belichick and Josh McDaniels part not to go back to him though. Third down plays to Matthew Mulligan, Matthew freaking Slater, and the complete loveliest for Austin Collie are unforgivable. Collie was this year’s Ross Ventrone. We’ve treated him like the mediocre girlfriend from college. Dropping him when something better comes along and calling him up when we got really desperate and lonely. Under no circumstances should he ever have six targets in a championship game.
- The refereeing continued to be a disgrace to a civilized society. I’ve seen better judgement at a North Korean show trial. The Patriots were driving in the first quarter and about to tie or take the lead when a pass to Collie was wiped out by one of the most egregious, nani-rific offensive pass interference calls ever. Literally robbed us of points. A touchdown would’ve potentially come in handy in a game that the Pats lost by 10.
- The Welker illegal pick on Aqib Talib was obviously dirty. Obviously. Any idiot knows that. He lowers his head directly into Talib’s torso. You’re not allowed to do that. As soon as Talib was out of the game the game was effectively over. You cannot stop Peyton Manning with the collection of rag tags we had left in the secondary at that point.
- I’m done with Talib and Rob Gronkowski. Seriously, what use are these guys? They get me all juiced up in my loins when we beat the Bills by 40, and then when it really matters they’re hurt. Seriously dude, go in the back room with coach Bud Killmer and get your magical shot, and then get back out there. Talib could walk. That’s all I need to know. Your ribs are hurt? Tough shit. Don’t wanna play with broken ribs? Get an engineering degree then. If these guys are going to get hurt every single year then they’re completely useless. I would trade Gronk for a first round pick in a heartbeat. There are plenty of teams dumb enough to go for that too.
- Belichick’s ego is getting in the way of progress. He’s too much of an egomaniac to bring a real defensive coordinator like Rob Ryan onto his staff, so he hires a bunch of idiots from D3 schools to come in and just nod their head yes. He’s trying to build a coaching tree, but he’s completely 100% failed in that aspect. Matt Patricia looks like he should be a bouncer at the Blarney Stone. McDaniels play calling was a joke. The secondary never gets better. The last six or seven drafts have been a complete waste. He may be a great coach but his ego is costing this team Super Bowls.
- The Shane Vereen two point conversion attempt was another coaching blunder. Who the hell thought that would be a good idea? You have a human bowling ball who currently resides on the front cover of Sports Illustrated, twiddling his thumbs on the sideline, and you run a straight ahead run play to a guy who never runs the ball? What about that sounded like a good idea to McDaniels and Belichick?
So what do the Pats need next year? That’s a GFQ, and it’s very complicated. They need a lot. I say screw the draft since that’s obviously not working. Just trade Gronk, Talib, and Amendola for proven players who actually play football. Pay big money for an actual wide receiver. I salivate when I think of Eric Decker in a Patriots uniform. He’s a free agent. How about trade everything for Larry Fitzgerald? Just give me someone over 6’1.” Just whatever you do next year don’t throw out an entire gang of 5’9″ white guys at wide receiver.
They need another pass rusher too. Peyton Manning doesn’t even need to do his laundry before the Super Bowl. He wasn’t touched the entire game. Chandler Jones needs help from the other side of the line and Andre Carter is not the answer.
What they need most will be addressed in the upcoming Richard Sherman blog, and that’s steroids. Look, obviously Seattle is juiced out of their minds. It works. This isn’t baseball. You can juice as much as you want in the NFL and no one cares. Legarette Blount, Devin McCourty, Alfonzo Dennard, Donte Hightower. All of these guys should be fling themselves up with steroids before every game. Oops, I mean adderall.
Am I right or am I right? Did I miss anything? Feel free to share your thoughts on the disaster to keep the conversation going.
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