Barstool Sports Blogger Thinks Its Funny To Pour Urine On Gay People In Russia


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The 2014 Sochi Olympic Games are making the 1936 Berlin games look like a human rights convention.

If you didn’t know by now, Russia hates gay people. I’ve seen the movie Milk, and the Matthew Shepherd incident happened when I was growing up, but it’s hard to really, truly understand the intolerance worldwide to homosexuality until you see WTIFGO in Russia. Human Rights Watch just released a video documenting the vicious attacks against the gay community in Russia:

If those nudniks in Russia are mad now, wait until they see Macklemore’s performance at the Grammy’s. I don’t usually blog about things that don’t have a funny spin to them, but after watching that video this is just consuming my mind right now. Apparently the Olympics this year are being held in white Uganda. It’s freaking disgusting, and for some strange reason the world is honoring the Russian government (which encourages this type of legal behavior) with the Olympic Games – an international symbol of peace and sportsmanship.

All I can think of after watching that video is 1) fuck Russia, and 2) fuck these Olympics. I don’t even wanna watch em now. There’s only two things to like about the winter Olympics anyway, 1) hockey, 2) speed skating. That’s it. Everything else is done by a time trial or scored subjectively. Watching some idiot from Italy ski the slalom while getting periodic updates about how many hundredths of a second he is behind the leader as he passes through each gate, is pretty much as boring as you can get. Bobsled, luge, and skeleton racing are the same thing. And don’t even get me started on curling. I know some people claim to like it, but that’s because the winter Olympics doesn’t give you any better options.

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The rest of the events all involve the participant doing something completely on their own while being “judged” by a bunch of corrupt and biased ass clowns from some equally corrupt countries like the Ukraine, or Canada. The biathlon, cross country skiing, and the ski jump you’re out there by yourself. Snowboarding is an event? Gnarly bro. And figure skating? If it doesn’t involve a subplot drama between trailer trash from Oregon and a Barbie Doll from Stoneham, then it’s not even worth my attention. Women’s figure skating is the premiere event of the winter Olympics. That’s all you need to know about the winter Olympics.

As for the video, there’s really not much you can say. If your reaction to that is anything except for complete disgust then you’re either in Vladimir Putin’s inner circle, or you’re an idiot blogger at Barstool Sports.

Many of you may read Barstool. I do. They’re the original shock jock blog, and their founder, David Portnoy, is funny as shit. Known as El Presidente, his blogs are some of the only ones worth reading on there. He’s witty, he makes good points, and he’s not afraid of controversy. He employs probably around 15 writers now from all over the country. The problem is, they all try way too hard to be him. The exceptions to the rule are Jerry Thornton and “BigCat.” Jerry is a complete Boston homer who is the only blogger there that can write something over 150 words. BigCat, Jerry, and El Pres are funny without having to “butt sex,” or other things that drunken 16 year olds find amusing. The rest of the writers lack that completely, and are basically being used by El Pres for page views.

The worst blogger BY FAR is “Maurice,” of Barstool Philadelphia. He’s Barstool’s affirmative action hire; the only person of color that writes for the blog. I try to avoid his blogs because it’s just one predictable cliche after another. But the headline dragged me in about the video so I had to see it for myself. This was his response:

Hey, I think I saw Mikey Miss! Poor Igor looks like hes been the victim of these beatings one too many times:

igor eye

Either that or he’s secretly an alien who got his head zapped off by Will Smith’s Men In Black ray gun.

Really a shame that a first (second?) world country could have injustice like this happen so out in the open. I mean it’s one thing to crack a buttsecks joke and quite another to crack a glass bottle in some poor guy’s asshole. I just don’t get the point. Who cares that they like dudes or act feminine? Literally doesn’t affect anyone. How shitty is your life if you can’t exist without finding someone different to abuse? Pouring a glass of pee over some gay guy’s head while he sits in a bathtub?

pee glass

Okay that’s actually kinda funny. But still — you suck, Russia.

Ya got that? Dumping urine on a gay guy after beating the shit out of him is funny. Hot f***ing take right there. And is Russia a first or second world country? Gee, Maurice can’t know the answer to that because that means he knows stuff about the world and reads and shit. F*** reading!! Why would Maurice read when he can make “buttsecks” jokes? And Igor’s lazy eye? That’s funny as shit too. Sure he probably has it because he got the shit kicked out of him for being a gay activist in a country where you can legally kick the shit out of gay activists, but don’t let that get in the way of your blog dude. And as long as you end your idiotic blog with “you suck Russia,” then you’re not really condoning dumping urine on a human being for being himself right? Murica!!

Feel free to let Maurice know what you think of him on TwitterI know we will be. TurtleBoy Sports is a family blog. We don’t think this type of shit is funny:

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The bottom line is that what is happening to gay people in Russia is exactly the type of stuff that existed in Germany before they started putting the Jews in ghettos and concentration camps. There’s absolutely no difference. The propaganda, the public humiliation, the government condoning it, the laws restricting personal freedom. It’s exactly the same thing.

I want to watch speed skating and hockey so badly, and I’ll probably end up indulging in the end. But I just can’t support this type of bullshit, so that’s all I will be watching (if my wife is watching them though and I happen to see it and write a subsequent blog about it, that doesn’t count.) The IOC AWARDED these idiots the Olympics, knowing full well that these type of shenanigans are commonplace in Russia. So to all my “activist” friends here in the land of the free, changing your Facebook picture to a pink equality symbol isn’t making a difference in the world. Refusing to watch the Olympics is. But if you do decide to watch (which I’m sure I will), make sure you root hard against Russia. In everything. The American form of acceptance and tolerance won the Cold War and it will prevail again in Sochi.

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4 thoughts on “Barstool Sports Blogger Thinks Its Funny To Pour Urine On Gay People In Russia

  1. Incredible! This blog looks exactly like my old one! It’s on a totally different
    topic but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Outstanding choice of
    colors!

    Like

  2. Been Gay is not a crime its a lifestyle im pleased i live in a Country that supports Gay people to get Married

    SO the whole Russian LGBT has my Support

    Gay Supporter
    New Zealand

    Like

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