Jonny Gomes Gets a Cliche Boston Strong Tatoo, Nudnik Red Sox Fans Now OK With The Fact That He Sucks


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“Jonny Gomes has a crazy new Boston Red Sox tattoo. It was revealed by teammate Mike Napoli via Twitter on Friday. Napoli sent out a photo of the World Series-inspired tattoo along with the caption, “How sick is this?” The Red Sox first baseman then encouraged his followers to guess the tattoo’s owner before ultimately revealing that Gomes is the man behind the ink. The tattoo includes pretty much everything you’d imagine from the 2013 season. There’s a flexing beard, a duck boat, an American flag and the World Series trophy. Simply put, it’s awesome. Check out Gomes’ new Red Sox tattoo below.”

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OK, this just gives me another reason to not like Jonny Gomes. Saw a bunch of people on my Facebook post this picture, with some kind of statement to the extent of, “Love this guy, he’s so Boston Strong.”

Look, if you’re still saying “Boston Strong,” please stop. There has to be an expiration on that phrase. Enough people have profited off of it and you have completely ruined its original meaning. Jonny Gomes knows this. He knows that you people eat that shit up, so he milks it for all his worth to cover up for his own obvious deficiencies. Newsflash Red Sox fans: Jonny Gomes is a really, really bad baseball player. He hit .247 last year and besides that one home run he had, he was AWFUL in the playoffs. He knows that he gets kicked around from MLB team to MLB team because no one wants a player who can’t hit, can’t field, and always strikes out. So he’s fooled you all into this idiotic belief that he is a “clubhouse guy.” You know what “clubhouse guy” means? It means you suck, but you’re a nice guy.

Jonny knows that the whole “clubhouse guy” thing is the only way he can stick around on this team. Kevin Millar invented the clubhouse guy thing, Jason Varitek perfected it, and now this guy is riding their coattails and you’re all falling for it. And if he’s such a great “clubhouse guy” then how come he’s in a different clubhouse every season? He just wants some place where he can get a permanent mailing address. Do you think it’s a coincidence that him and Jarred Saltalamacchia were the two guys that placed the trophy at the finish line of the Marathon during the duck boat parade? Nope. They’re both terrible players, and Jonny obviously took note when the Red Sox let Salty go. So he went out and got this stupid tattoo, complete with World Championship trophy, American flag, megabeard, and of course BOSTON STRONG!!! When in doubt, always just say Boston Strong, and then every pink hat yahoo has your back for life.

Look, I’ve known this guy is a clown since day one. That’s why I can’t blame Red Sox fans who flew all the way to Dallas just to boo him:

If you needed further proof of this guy’s jive, then look no further than the post-World Series victory interview with Ken Rosenthal. You knew it was going to be a sham, orchestrated interview when the question was preceded with, “Jonny Gomes, you just instructed me what to ask you. The team was 10-1 with you in the lineup. How’d that happen?”

Jonny was just waiting to answer that question all postseason:

“There’s a lot of sabermetrics, there’s a lot of numbers and stuff. The whole WAR stat. But when you go to playoffs, you want me to go to war with. I work inside a museum, but this is the loudest this museum has been in a long time.”

I mean, you didn’t really eat that up did you? This was like the ending of a bad Disney movie when the lovable loser overcomes seemingly every obstacle imaginable to do the unthinkable. Jonny’s obviously seen way too many of those movies, and was smart enough to realize that people around here LOVE that stuff. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. To cap it off he had an awesome finale.

“The script has already been written, all we had to do is press play.”

Textbook. Take notes mediocre MLB players. That’s how you overcome your suckyness and prolong your career with the best team in baseball.

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4 thoughts on “Jonny Gomes Gets a Cliche Boston Strong Tatoo, Nudnik Red Sox Fans Now OK With The Fact That He Sucks

  1. Pingback: Boston Red Sox’ Jonny Gomes Ruins White House Visit With American Flag Jacket Designed To Hide How Much He Sucks | TurtleBoySports

  2. That tat looks pretty big. Question is, will he get it removed when he gets traded in the next few years? Or will it be like SOA and David Ortiz steps up to burn it off of him?

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  3. I actually disagree with you, to a certain point. The stats, the fact that he does suck, all true. However, I think the reason behind the tattoo would be the fact that he had reached his life goal of being a world series champ. Ultimately, that’s every ball players goal. I’d say the tattoo is his way of remembering and celebrating a memorable season.

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