Worcester Native Naadir Tharpe Simply Must Come To UMass After Leaving Kansas


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LAWRENCE, Kan. — Kansas starting point guard Naadir Tharpe will transfer closer to home for his final season of eligibility, ending a tumultuous run with the Jayhawks that included three Big 12 championships and multiple off-court distractions.

The Massachusetts native said in a statement issued by the school Thursday that he made the decision to transfer so he could be closer to his daughter, Amara. She was born during his freshman season, and Tharpe said she has been dealing with medical issues that require regular visits to doctors.

 

harpe drew Self’s ire before the season when he played in an unauthorized summer league game, which resulted in a one-game suspension. After the season, he was seen with a partially nude woman in a photograph circulated on social media that prompted Self to say he was “extremely disappointed with what’s transpired and the judgment that went along with it.”

On the court, where Tharpe showed flashes of brilliance mixed with moments of frustration. He was honorable mention All-Big 12, averaging 8.5 points and 5.0 assists as Kansas finished with a 25-10 record, but struggled in a loss to Stanford in the third round of the NCAA tournament.

Dear Naadir Tharpe,

From one Worcester guy to another I’m glad to see you got the hell out of Kansas. It wasn’t a good fit for you. You’re from a state where people think freely, question authority, and like to have a good time. You moved to a place where evolution is considered dangerous talk. So when you sent that picture of you with your pants off in an embrace with a nurse who doesn’t love you, I had no problem with it whatsoever. No one around here did. After all, if you were born and raised in Worcester you are guaranteed to lose your pants.

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Listen, I misplaced my pants once or twice in college. If you go to UMass, you will lose your pants. It’s simple Science. Tharpe is from Worcester, which is kind of the same thing except with less junior smokeshows, and he misplaced his pants. I think we should really be wondering about that school nurse having a boob job. Is she misappropriating school funds or selling cotton balls and tongue depressors on the black market? Is she charging kids to go to the school nurse and look at her fake boobies?

I have seen Turtleboy Sports employees wandering around without pants a hundred times at least in the office. It’s like a meat locker in here. We never wear pants. Like this one time in Baltimore when me and a couple of my staff guys streaked the elevator just as it was closing and the people just saw my naked ass run by. That was pretty awesome. Then one time this other girl on Martha’s Vineyard inexplicably was mooned by a great wall of Turtleboy Sports employees.

So don’t worry about the whole pants thing brosheim. I’m glad you’re coming home to be near your family. I’ve seen you play a couple times when you were in 8th grade. Worcester South kicked your ass, so I don’t blame you for transferring from St. Peter Marian. But man, you had handle for a 13 year old. Now that you’re a grown ass man there is only one place, and one place alone that you need to bring your talents to for your final season of eligibility….

UMASS, BABY!!

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Seriously man, we just lost the guy that kind of single-handedly rebuilt the legendary program from the ashes, Chaz Williams. And wouldn’t ya know it, Chaz played point guard, the same position you do. Now I realize that West Virginia transfer Jabarie Hinds is kind of slotted for that position, but don’t let that deter you. If you come here, you start. Period.

I’m hearing some UMass fans say stupid shit like this:

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Pay no attention to them. You would be the PERFECT addition to this team. You are just what Trey Davis, Derek Gordon, and Jabarie Hinds need right now – experienced leadership with experience playing in the best conference in the country. Derek Kellogg has EVERY reason to pursue you. You are a local guy and the flagship university of the Commonwealth needs to establish the precedent that we have first dibs on Massachusetts’ best players.

You would essentially be a rent-a-player, but you can do big things here next year. We just made our first tournament in 16 years, and are a program that is clearly on the rise. The atmosphere at the Mullins Center when St. Louis, Providence, and VCU came to town was comparable to anything you saw in the Big 12. You would get to play in your conference tournament at the Barclay’s Center. The opportunity you have in front of you is simply too good to pass up.

Plus, where else would you go around here? Sure you could go to UConn to play for the National Champions, but Shabazz Napier isn’t walking through that door. They’re simply not gonna be that good next year. Boston College? LOL, B.C. Providence? They frown upon the pantsless in Providence. URI? You really wanna play for a certified psychopath like Danny Hurley in your final collegiate season?

Nah dude, UMass is the obvious choice. The addition of you to this lineup gives us the best guard depth in the Atlantic 10, a conference which sent six teams to the dance last year. With you we are not only a tournament team, but a threat to do damage in the tournament, now that we know what it’s like to be there.

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The best part about UMass is that it’s the number one school in the country if you wanna have a good time. And you sir, seem like someone who likes to have a good time. You can basically do whatever you wanna do at UMass. So while the Puritans in Kansas frowned upon your shenanigans and condemned you for your immorality, at UMass we don’t give a shit about anything like that. Just ask Derek Gordon why he transferred here from a backwards state – because at UMass we don’t judge.

So if you wanna go to a school where people say stupid shit like “student athletes should be role models,” and “people should keep their pants on in public,” at UMass our off the court policy can best be described as follows: “Smoke em if you got em. Fuck em up, fuck em up, Go UMASS!!!”

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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