Kentucky defensive tackle Cory Johnson did an interview for the ages the other day. Sure, most players stick to talking about the upcoming season or their performance on the field. But not CJ. CJ wanted to talk about the massive dumps he takes:
First of all, Cory Johnson is my new hero. Athletes need to talk about dumping more in interviews. He is a massive man, so most likely his dumps are of epic proportion.
Secondly, the fact that the guy interviewing him burst out laughing as soon as he says “poop so much” just proves my theory I mentioned in the penis drawing run blog, that adults are just children with jobs. Poop will ALWAYS be funny no matter how old you are. It’s hilarious because everyone does it. Doesn’t matter how hot you are either. Like Giselle takes MASSIVE dumps and then makes Tom Brady scrub the toilet afterwards. Every time I go to Moe’s and I see a prim looking stargazer there I instantly think in my head, “I wonder how big her dump is gonna be when she gets home?”
The best part about being a blogger is that I can work and smash at the same time. Hell AT LEAST 75% of you reading this right now are taking a dump too. Some of you might not have service in the dumper and you planned around it. We all know that move. First you feel the rumbling and realize the time has come. But you know you won’t be able to get the hot takes in the bathroom because it’s a dead spot. So you go to Turtleboy Sports in a spot where you have service and it’s already loaded up by the time you take your seat on the throne.
Like, I don’t know if I could work in an industry where you can’t dump whenever you want. I don’t care how much they pay you. People are always complaining that cops on details make too much money. Newsflash – they are being paid that much because of the dump factor. What happens when a Statie smashes down four hot dogs from Hot Dog Annie’s and gets stuck doing a detail after that on 290? Where does he dump? Suppressing dumps is unnatural and un-American. If you can’t stop what you’re doing to go take a dump when you need to take a dump, you don’t really know what freedom is.
Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.