The only thing worse than MTV are awards shows of any kind. I hate everything about them like every blue blooded American does. It’s a bunch of talentless, narcissistic pieces of human garbage drowning themselves in an orgy of hashtags and selflies. So reluctantly I put on the VMA’s tonight, just because I wanted something to get fired up about. Needless to say they didn’t let me down.
First of all, any “awards” show where Miley Cyrus gets an award for singing isn’t a real awards show. Every time I see her I wanna throw up. Is she supposed to be hot or something? She’s a vile creature with no ass whatsoever, and I’m supposed to think she’s a junior smokeshow because she sticks her tongue out and has a boy’s haircut?
Tonight the Twitter world was buzzing about what she did for her acceptance speech. She sent some kid up there named Jesse who turned out to be a homeless kid from LA and he guilted celebrities into giving money to a homeless teenager charity, while she stayed in her front row seats making this face:
Twitter was appointing her the next Mother Theresa:
This is why the terrorists hate us. Anyone who thinks Miley Cyrus is some kind of hero for this should be put in stockades next to the Turtleboy statue and have tomatoes thrown at them.
As I’m writing this I’m watching Kim fucking Kardashian speaking into the microphone. Ummm, did I miss something here? What song does she sing? Not that she couldn’t, because all pop music is is a bunch of hacks dubbed over with fancy machines. But Kim Kardashian is famous for being lucky sperm that grew up to make her own pornos, marry every asshole she finds, and star in a “reality” TV show where she talks about nothing with other lucky sperm.
Oh yea, and they’re doing this whole #lookdifferent thing this year which is a campaign that revolves around the shooting death of Mike Brown in Ferguson, MO by police officer Darren Wilson. All you need to know about the intentions of this “campaign” can be seen in this tweet:
“Fighting racial bias.” Because of course the only reason that Darren Wilson shot Mike Brown is because Darren Wilson is white and Mike Brown was black. Ya see that shit right there? That’s MTV trying to start a racial war that doesn’t exist. I don’t know who is to blame in that incident because I wasn’t there. But apparently MTV has cracked the case. It was racial bias, and we all need to check our privilege.
Apparently Macklemore couldn’t round up enough gay couples to do a mega-gay wedding like he did last year. Either that or the whole gay marriage thing has gone out of style with every wannabe activist out there. Not surprising though. Next year they’ll go back to trying to find Joseph Kony and forget all about Ferguson.
What really got to me though was the double standard that comes with censorship. In the last couple months I’ve seen Kirk Minihane suspended for pointing out the undeniable fact that Erin Andrews is an incompetent hack that only has her job because she looks good naked. I’ve seen every news outlet censor Johnny Rookie Bitch giving the Redskins sideline the magic finger. I’ve seen Stephen A. Smith suspended for a week for offering up an opinion that was most likely scripted for him by the hacks at ESPN.
But yet, I turn on the VMA awards and I see Nikki Minaj doing this:
Has there ever been a bigger double standard than this? You can literally have another woman thrust herself repeatedly on Nikki Minaj while she sings a song about gigantic penises, and it’s OK because she codenamed the song “Anaconda?” But a middle finger, and honest opinions from people who are paid to give honest opinions gets banned and censored? Got it.
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